my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
