Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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