Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
