New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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