How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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