found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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