i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
