you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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