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i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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