What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize