she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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