I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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