Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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