alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize