billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
