i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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