I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
