3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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