she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
