We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
