Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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