We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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