he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
