I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
