I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
