I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
