I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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