I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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