i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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