My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
