This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize