He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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