Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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