I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
