I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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