it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
