Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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