There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
