I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
