i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
