What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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