Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
