apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
