This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
