Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
