I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
