Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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