You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
