I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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