It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
