Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream