It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
