are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
