Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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