Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
