you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
