OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
