gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I want is dick and wine.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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