Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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