so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
