Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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