Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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