I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
