Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
