actually, I'm a sock model
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
