return my video game
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
