yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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