Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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