There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
