I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
