yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
