My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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