So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
