I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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