Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
