i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
