Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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