How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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