i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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