I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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