I think my vagina is haunted
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
