so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
