i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
